Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize