you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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