i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
