I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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