The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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