dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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