considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So much Jack, so little girl.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize