It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
