I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think my fart just growled at me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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