How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
