We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Umm I'm too high to move.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
