the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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