I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
