Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
