I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
