I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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