I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
