I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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