Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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