Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
