she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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