Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
