I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
