Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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