He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
