Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
