You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
