I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize