Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
