WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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