He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
