You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize