I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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