I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize