i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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