Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
