fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
