They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
