Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
