somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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