you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
