bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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