dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
