Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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