that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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