I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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