I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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