I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
