Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
These tits shall not be calmed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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