who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
