just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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