I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
