Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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