I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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