either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
