Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
