Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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