Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Panties = found
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize