sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
