Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
