did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
