I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
