Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
