Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize