I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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