the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
