What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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