the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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