what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize