Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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