I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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