Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
