i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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