So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
