I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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