I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
