Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize