i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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