can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
