I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
