what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
