I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize