the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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