Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
