Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
