i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
