Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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