If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
