so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
