i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
